The puppy blues are real (and the best advice I received)
Like a lot of people who have always wanted a dog, lockdown finally seemed like the perfect time to do it. Pre-COVID, I had been working full-time and commuting, rarely seeing my house in daylight. One day, I dreamed, I would be able to work at home and fulfil my ultimate dream of being able to get a puppy. We could hang out together all day while I worked, go out for lovely walks at lunchtime and snuggle in the evenings. The dream.
We’d had a family dog who, once I was an adult with my own place, I would regularly look after while my parents were away. I was pretty used to being in sole charge of a dog. I knew what I was doing.
Fast-forward to 2020, and it was finally the time I had dreamed of for so long. I was lucky enough to be able to work at home after my London office closed down indefinitely due to COVID restrictions. During those early work-from-home days, I would spend my coffee breaks looking up animal shelters online, mostly finding that they were closed to visitors. I looked up breeders and quickly shut that idea down, dismayed by the elevated prices and not knowing how to avoid dodgy puppy farmers.
Then — miraculously — a friend happened to mention that she knew someone who was looking for homes for a litter of four small cross-breed puppies, due any day. Would she like me to pass on her number?
So, five weeks later, my boyfriend and I found ourselves visiting a farm in the deepest countryside, full of rescue animals — goats, horses, chickens and dogs. We met the puppies, a little furry pile of them, so tiny they could barely walk upright on their paws or keep their eyes open. When we sat down on the ground with them, one toddled over and curled up in my boyfriend’s lap to go to sleep. Our puppy chose us.
We agreed that we would take her home when she was eight weeks old, and in the meantime went about puppy-proofing our house and reading everything we could get our hands on.
I soon learned, no matter how prepared you think you are, it will be a rollercoaster. Our dog is now nearly five months old and here are the most useful things I’ve learned. Please note, I am — most definitely — not an expert of any kind. I am an anxious, doing-my-best person who thought it might be nice to make other doting-but-clueless puppy wranglers feel less alone.
The puppy blues are real.
I had wanted a dog for so long, it felt awful to get this lovely puppy and not be overjoyed. I mean, in a way I was, but the whole thing was utterly overwhelming. I spent all of my time worrying about whether she was happy, eating enough, peeing too much, too warm/cold/lonely. I found myself constantly wondering if I was doing things ‘right’ and crying a lot. In short, I was a mess.
It couldn’t really be this hard, I kept thinking. Then a friend (who has a dog and two children) told me that she’d felt as bad in the first few weeks after getting her dog than she had when she’d been in the depths of post-natal depression.
‘Honestly,’ she said. ‘I Googled it. It’s called “puppy blues”. It’s a real thing.’
Just knowing this made me feel a hundred times better.
You might not love your dog straight away.
I mean, you don’t (generally) fall in love on a first date. While I felt fond and protective of my puppy straight away, I can’t honestly say I loved her. We didn’t know each other yet. A lot of her behaviour was absolutely baffling. Plus, puppies are naughty, and that’s a lot easier to deal with once your bond has really grown a few weeks in.
I felt dreadful about it at first and didn’t talk about to anyone. What kind of a monster doesn’t truly love a tiny, sweet puppy? But I remember the first time I looked at her and my heart was genuinely brimming with love and it all suddenly felt very worthwhile. Now I am full of clichés like ‘I can’t imagine my life without her!’.
The sleeplessness is awful but it gets better.
I knew that tiny puppies didn’t sleep through the night. Their bladders are tiny and they need to go to the bathroom, for a start. But some puppies sleep better than others. I was prepared for the first night home to be horrific, but actually she was so exhausted she slept from midnight until 5am. This lulled us into a false sense of security, because after that she woke up every hour or two every night. She didn’t start to sleep reliably through the night until she was 16 weeks old, which is apparently average, but I was hoping for sooner. By then, we were exhausted and thought the broken nights would be endless, but our patience was worth it for a happy dog who now goes to her own bed and sleeps through the night.
We spent the first week sleeping downstairs next to her in her crate, and then gradually moved further away until we were back upstairs in our own bed. After that followed a few weeks of getting up once/twice/three times in the night. At first, getting her to settle back in her crate after going to the bathroom was hell, but it got gradually better until all she needed was a quick hand in the crate to let her know we were there.
The best tip I got, which I have not found anywhere in the books or on the internet, was…
Give your dog a bath.
We’d washed her paws after muddy walks and wiped her down with a cloth, but we hadn’t given her a full bath yet, until after she was 12 weeks old. We mentioned to our dogwalker that she still wasn’t sleeping through the night, and she asked if we had given her a proper bath, with running water and dog shampoo. Apparently if it stays on them too long, the scent of their parents and littermates can make them feel unsettled and stop them from sleeping well in their new home. That day we gave her a bath, and that was her first night of sleeping through until 6am. It wasn’t a magic bullet (there were still a few nocturnal wake-ups to come) but it definitely helped. I guess we’ll never know if it’s the bath that did it, but it’s worth a go.
Get social any way you can.
The five weeks between getting our dog and her being allowed to go for outdoor walks were definitely the hardest, and got worse as they went along. Until she’d had her jabs, she was not allowed to be put down anywhere there was any risk that unvaccinated dogs (or foxes) may have been. We were lucky as we at least have a tiny garden, but it was still hard.
The best socialisation window for dogs is up until they are sixteen weeks old, so I was determined that she would go everywhere with me as early as possible. I carried her in a bag to the park, outdoor cafes, along busy roads and to the railway station to watch (and hear) the trains.
By the time she was allowed to go to the park and run around, she was so ready for it, we were both delighted. She took everything into her doggy stride like a champ. Now, even though I’m still working at home, she goes to the dogwalker twice a week so that she can be away from us and hang out with other dogs.
Run wild and free!
I’d never really understood why people were so obsessed with letting their dogs ‘off lead’. It seemed to me a lot of anxiety for not much — why put yourself through it? But a dog behaviourist explained to me that dogs need off-lead time, living like a natural dog and interacting with other dogs, so that they don’t become anxious. We found a nearby puppy park where the dogs can romp wild and free. I was terrified the first time I took her there but now we all love it.
Professional help is not to be sniffed at.
I managed to muddle through myself with most things. In the early days, I was determined not to start tuning into the cacophony of differing opinions about dog-rearing. Everyone had one and was very eager to tell me exactly where I was going wrong. If you listened to all of them, it would be exhausting. We were doing OK, and getting a little bit better every day. I mean, it was baby steps, possibly invisible to the naked eye, but we were getting there.
Until my dog was three months old, we had never heard her bark. Then, suddenly, she found her voice and she was terribly pleased with herself. She wanted to bark at everyone.
Our dog walker said that most puppy behaviours just even out in the end, but that barking was one we might want to nip in the bud. Apparently dogs get a bit of a kick out of barking and can find it addictive. Then she said the dreaded words: ‘you might want to consult a dog behaviourist’.
I felt like I’d been told I had a problem child. I was weirdly devastated.
Then I got over it, called a friend for a recommendation and went out for a walk round the park with a dog behaviourist. She was very knowledgeable and told me a lot about dog psychology that I found fascinating. She gave me some great tips and the barking situation is now much better.
It was actually quite relaxing to be told clearly what to do and why. In fact, learning a bit more about why my dog behaves the way she does made me feel really close to her. Highly recommend getting the professionals in if you’re not sure about anything.
So, I’m definitely still not an expert but we are still getting better every day. I truly love my dog more than I ever thought possible. If you are in the depths of those overwhelming first days of puppy blues, you have my solidarity. You and your puppy will be fine.
Eleanor Wood is the author of STAUNCH (HQ/HarperCollins), a memoir about going travelling in India with her grandmother and great-aunts, and how spending time with her older relatives helped her to overcome late-thirties angst. You can mostly find her on Twitter and Instagram.
